i already hear my dad disowning me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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