WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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