Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
