So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
