Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
