I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
