I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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