I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
