Me. At least after what I've been through.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Can I color on your dick again?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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