i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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