I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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