White coat. Heels.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
