i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
