im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
NoShamevember. You game?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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