True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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