is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
