We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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