I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
