I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
