I'm drive I can fine osifer
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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