I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize