allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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