My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
