Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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