if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
