Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
