he was CRYING into my vagina
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
