My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize