I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
