Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
