oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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