watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You left your underwear on the fireplace
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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