all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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