Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
