i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
