I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize