Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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