Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize