Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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