Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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