No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
