I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
