Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
