I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
