Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
