I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
