Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
