A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
