he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
