when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
how does that bad decision feel?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
