508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
