well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
