I just threw up on my dentist
No stitches, just platelets and will power
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Randomize
