So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize