Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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