i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
