did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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