I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
