oh god the rape fog is back!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
