do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
