My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize