o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
