Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
