paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he thought i was a dude.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
