dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
