how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
