dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
