I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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