I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize