Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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