Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
