No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
